I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
