Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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