it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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