my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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