Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
