so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
