my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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