We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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