we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
