You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we're making bets on your personal life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
