I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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