there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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