For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
