A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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