What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
