Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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