Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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