I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
