google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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