Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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