shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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