I hope mine doesn't look like that
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
