Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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