i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
