So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
