Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
