yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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