Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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