Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
