so explain again why im purple
no
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
