I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
