I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
