Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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