I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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