Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
