Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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