You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
