nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
