Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
