When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
