How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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