I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
