i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
