you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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