C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
