Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
