Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
