I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
