I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
