8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
