Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
