dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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