we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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