just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
