dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
