I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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