if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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