you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
