Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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