Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
