i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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