I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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