he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
