Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
