Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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